Sleep Paralysis Suffer? Art Could Help!

What is Sleep Paralysis you may ask?

Well I use to suffer from it mostly in my teens, and at first its horrible and terrifying. In short I would be totally paralysed in my bed while i became suddenly awake from a sleep.

I was unable talk or scream. A feeling of a presence would be upon me or in my room. Feeling like someone was pushing down on my chest or my spine/back. I could hear buzzing or high-pitched sounds each time also.

Some more information from another source to help explain more: "Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which people, either when falling asleep or wakening, temporarily experience an inability to move. More formally, it is a transition state between wakefulness and rest characterized by complete muscle atonia (muscle weakness). It can occur at sleep onset or upon awakening, and it is often associated with terrifying visions (e.g. an intruder in the room), to which one is unable to react due to paralysis". (en.wikipedia.org...)


Basically I found that by producing art work related to my experiences I was able to treat myself from any future episodes of sleep paralysis from recurring. Since producing paintings/drawings I have not experienced sleep paralysis since. Maybe this is a coincidence? I don't know.

So if any of you suffer from Sleep Paralysis or know someone who does please advise them to simply pick up a brush or pencil/pen and start thinking of their experiences and produce any artwork related to them. It might help them. Maybe sculpture is your thing, then why not make some 3D artwork. Overall I truly believe it will help. It seemed to help me. I will leave you with some examples of my sleep paralysis works.

Peace.

The Slow Death Of Shock Art

 

When was the last time a piece of imagery truly shocked you?

 

I hate to say this but I feel no matter what extreme films I see, books I read, news I hear or pieces of shock art I view it seems the only thing that truly generated a shocked emotion within me and elements of the sublime were stirred within my soul was the collapse of the Twin Towers (9/11)

"Shock art is contemporary art that incorporates disturbing imagery, sound or scents to create a shocking experience. It is a way to disturb "smug, complacent and hypocritical" people".

With all the current exposure to mass media and being surrounded by a large range of technologies which is being shoved down our throats on a daily bases no matter where we turn too, its not surprising that certain disturbing or shocking imagery is starting to lack any powerful reactions.

Its more so this year that I have to started to realise that I feel rather numb. So numb that I really seem to lack any emotions towards a potential shocking piece of art especially and sometimes think back to 9/11 and wish that I was there amongst the event. (you sick bastard you might say. Why yes, yes I am)

When it comes to viewing some Art, no matter how shocking or graphic the image may be towards others, it just makes me laugh or smile if I were to have any form of reaction to it. Shock art has become comedy to me almost. I don't think I'm alone in these thoughts when I say this. It feels to me that as time passes with technology advancing the sublime in contemporary art is dying. That sublime feeling of being really shocked to the core. I will now present you with a piece of art, a printed image on a canvas I believe. Its an example of what I mean when I say I find certain shock art more comedy than shocking.

Was this canvas which had been displayed in a pub window meant to be communicating a shock element, or does the artist think it's funny. It does not matter I guess. I don't know what to think other than I know it made me laugh a little to be honest. I sick, I'M SORRY . 
Actually I am not sorry, I shall blame the amount of mass media thrown at me.

I don't need to go into details about who stars in this canvas piece, but everyone knows the current events of the unfolding stories surrounding the recent death of Jimmy Savile. I admit I was rather drunk and it was kicking out time when myself and a friend noticed the canvas sitting there in the pub window. I knew straight away where the inspiration or imagery was mainly taken from. Cassius Marcellus Coolidge (November 12, 1844 –January 24, 1934) was an American artist, mainly known for his paintings of dogs playing poker. Yet he also painted Dogs Playing Pool/Snooker.

So with the painting we witnessed outside the pub. Is it shock art? I don't think it is truly shocking. Yet to some others it may well be the case. The collection of child abusers imagery on the canvas is trying to spark a reaction of course, but to me its hardly generated anything other than looking and naming the faces. Even though I was able to witness the canvas first hand and have no other account of it before hand, this fact should have increased the element of surprise more, but it failed in that sense. 

So is shock art dead? Is my soul dead? certainly could be and should be after finding the canvas a little funny. I could present many examples here of shock art and end up with a full on essay being written up. I'm too lazy for that. But overall Shock Art, (by me presenting these pictures via the internet) is near death as myself and others continue contributing to the slow death of Shock Art through reproduction via the mass media.
 

THIS BLOG claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and do not wish for it appear on this site, please E-mail with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed

Creative Mental Block? Here's Some Advice.

You were once a creative genius machine were you felt untouchable and your soul would radiate in the glorious waves of successful ideas that were born from your unique god-like mind. Now you struggle to put pen to paper (or most likely fingers to the keyboard) or even putting a brush to canvas. You sit there looking into the void. Even if you were able to create a little something you destroy it because it’s not good enough. You once climbed so high, now the depths of your creativity disappointments are slowly killing you. All the coffee, alcohol, vast ranges of drugs, even exercise and the best sex of your life still make you numb in your weak attempts at any creativity. Is there any hope? Is there a solution to your current creative block? Of course there is.

For a creative professional it can for some become potentially career-damaging. Many creative professionals will need to solely rely on their creativity to pay the bills and hopefully build up their reputation. Some people will say you can't afford to be short of ideas or be lacking the energy to put them into action. But creative blocks are not all the same. Different types of creative block may require different solutions. The metal block is a major example as well as the emotional barrier being another, then there's the work habits, the personal problems, poor time management, poor knowledge, poor equipment, being overwhelmed, or a communication breakdown, etc etc. For now this post will concentrate solely on The Mental Block and here I will simply share my advice to hopefully help you out for when the creative block rears its ugly head. For some the advice given here is just common sense, but it’s the simple things that are the most effective sometimes.

So The Mental Block. The king of creative destruction in my opinion.

With the mental block you may feel trapped. Say, more trapped than a spider surrounded by a glass with a sheet of paper being slid beneath its legs. You’re the spider trapped inside the glass and I'm the kind human that has opted to not flush you down the toilet this time, but instead I will unlock the window, open it and set you free back into nature. The key thing here to remember is that a creative block is only temporary. Yes, I know writing is not my greatest talent; creating art is my strongest talent. Yet it seems you may have reached a point where you googled for advice and came across a blog that will try to give you clear simple answers. Though with my simple solutions presented here, you may just find a path where the old creative flame is relit and the creative genius that you once were is now up and running and finally start to feel like your back in top form once again.

So you’re trapped by your own thinking. You might be permanently locked in a certain way of looking at the world and have failed to see any other options available to you. Maybe your inner critic comes to surface and stops you thinking straight. You may also feel like you’re surrounded by all that you need, but still the mental block persists and is breathing all over you. The feeling of nothing, the act of nothing now rules your creative soul. You have reached the breaking point. Here's my simple solution to The Mental Block:

In a nut shell CHANGE IS GOOD. In fact it will do you the world of good if you very simply surround yourself with new things. This will help you adopt different perspectives in your empty mind. The refresh button in your brain can be hit and a possible feeling of a creative rebirth may grow inside you. I myself tend to rely on music to help generate creative motivation and stir emotions, as well as bringing out past and recent memories, and ultimately it will eventually create new ideas. 

If you are like me, why not get yourself some new music. Some new sounds. Did a good friend once advise you to listen to an album they suggested, but you failed to take action. Well, DO IT. DO IT NOW. You got the internet I see and that's great because you can now download that album while you continue reading this wonderful blog. Or was it a film you felt you must see. Is there a magazine or an article you should be reading, a book, and a website. What interests you? What do you love? If you love a certain book(s), well just simply research into other authors that create similar material or grab another published book of theirs. I tend to always underline any quotes that mean something to me or interest me the most while reading, then I would sometimes scan through these quotes before or during painting. If I feel the need to inscribe any text, I now have plenty to be inspired from. Sometimes just a simple quote from a book will inspire a whole body of paintings.

How about visiting a new environment. Was there a certain place you wanted to go to? If that place is far and you are lacking funds, well that's no excuse young sir/madam. Just take a walk/ride/or drive to an area near to you that you haven't visited before. Is it raining and cold? Great, time to embrace the elements and get out there into the fresh air. That wind will eventually blow some nice ideas into your empty mind. If there's a favourite place that you love to visit, go there that's fine, just make sure you visit a new place also. Take the camera, take the notepad, take a picnic, and take a piss before you leave because this is an adventure now. It's just you and the world now and the moments to enjoy. Capture anything that jumps out at you. Capture whatever communicates a positive or even a negative feeling within you. This may just be the beginning of the end for Mr/Mrs Creative Blockhead.   

Communicate with others. This can really help you. Communication is the key to life in general I believe. Visit your dear friend(s), make a random visit, or find new people, try to surround yourself in new things that can lead you towards other people. These people may just say or do something that will spark something within you. They may offer an alternative point of view and give you something that you may have never of thought of doing before.

Was you once approached by what seemed at first a bit of a nutter (has possible mentally ill problems) on a public transport journey or while you were out shopping, yet you decided to cut the conversation short because you felt a little out of your normal comfort zone? Hang on a minute. Why not continue the chat a little more, you may even enjoy it, because you might be chatting to someone who is in the same situation as you are, has the same career goal(s), and has the same problems you are facing currently. This happened to me, and as I decided to continue the chat we suddenly realised that we were more or less the same person in some ways, we had the same goals and the same problems. And as my destination approached we exchange business cards (mine looked more professional I must add)

Is there a certain creative process/plan or order that you tend to always follow in your creativity? Think of that, lay it in front of you if possible, now smash it up. Strip it down even, mix it up, add new parts, take pieces away, and develop a new monster. Maybe this is what you wanted. You want to feel excited again, want to feel the passion again, I know, your hungry. You can feed yourself, you just need to apply the right advice to yourself, use the correct tools or plant the right seeds and you will get the right results.

Sometimes it’s not the new things that generate inspiration for your creativity. Sometimes we need to explore the past again. Do you have old sketch books collecting dust? An old diary, journal, or old photos in a shoebox or even a film not yet developed still? Do you have old books stacked away somewhere or an old painting rolled up? Is there pieces hanging around that have completely lost any meaning to you? If so, maybe its time to get rid of it, destroy or clear the clutter. Maybe the clutter becomes the new art piece or part of a new creation.

Dig out the past, take your time. Let the good and bad memories come flooding back into you. Make yourself comfortable and REMEMBER. Why did you take that photograph or write that story/poem or create that painting? Was there an old dream you once had written down and now it’s given you a new idea (this happened to me) Surround yourself with the past material(s) and soak it all up. Was there something you left unfinished but had totally forgotten about it? Maybe now is the right time to finish it. Maybe just maybe, looking back through your past will allow you to help create a clearer mind and hopefully a more distinctive brighter future.

 

For some having a creative block is when you imagine you are at the end, but you are really just at the beginning of the process. Have patience to let things take their course. Creativity comes in waves of highs and lows, just try to enjoy the ride. Don't think too much; be spontaneous as much as possible. JUST DO IT and you will eventually break into the great stuff that boosts your creativity levels and most importantly your confidence and self belief once again.

(I do not wear Nike trainers)

NIN (Nine Inch Nails) The Ultimate Top Ten

Artists of all kinds can find inspiration from many sources. For myself there is one main major source that is the driving force to allow the creative juices to fully flow and help inspiration take its effect. MUSIC.

I need music to feel at ease when I paint. By specialising and developing myself as an abstract painter, music really is the key to help me kick start and maintain creativity. This blog of mine is here to simply share little insights into my abstract artist world. Or simply a brain dumping space. Take what you will from it. Here I present the most current band that has become the most played on my ipod. I love a Top Ten List and picking a mere 10 songs with there being over a hundred NIN songs is never going to be a simple task and yes, yes I know this has been done many times before and I am a sheep right now. Yet I will still present you with my personal top ten along with some random (simple) thoughts and pick my favourite lyric for each song also.

Who is NIN?

Nine Inch Nails (abbreviated as NIN, sometimes stylized as NIИ) is an American industrial rock project, founded in 1988 by Trent Reznor in Cleveland, Ohio. As its main producer, singer, songwriter, and instrumentalist, Reznor is the only official member of Nine Inch Nails and remains solely responsible for its direction.

Now I have my wonderful girlfriend to thank for becoming an NIN fan. While we were first dating she put on the track “Closer” which is from the album The Downward Spiral via a Jukebox in a local pub. (Nowhere Inn - Plymouth) This was in fact the first time I had ever heard NIN and it was at that moment NIN grabbed my full attention. Soon after that evening I felt compelled to buy an album of theirs. After reading quite a few reviews online I eventually decided to start with the album The Fragile.

                              The Fragile is the third studio album Released on
                              September 21, 1999.



I'm pleased I did and I can honestly say from looking back through all the music I have collected so far that ultimately if I were only allowed to hold on to one album for eternity, it would be a stand off between The Fragile and a Radiohead album – the album Kid A or OK Computer maybe. Overall I think The Fragile would have to be the winner though as It comes with two discs for Christ's sake. Two glorious CD's full of pure artistic musical genius. Any way lets get on with this top ten count down.

Sanctified - Pretty Hate Machine. (10)

SEXY, VERY SEXY. I've only very recently started to love the Pretty Hate Machine album (NIN first album release) and Sanctified is the only track from PHM to be mentioned here in my top 10 I'm afraid. It was my least favourite album for years untill I finally decided to give it more of my attention. Thankfully now its being played alot recently and I simply love it. Sanctified is a very recognizable song mainly for its electronic tom-based drum beat and distinctive slap bassline, the only NIN song containing that playing technique.
Favourite lyric; "If she says come inside I'll come inside for her".



Hurt - The Downward Spiral. (9)

I admit I was never a real fan of this track at first yet through time it eventually cut deep within, with it's raw emotion and powerful lyrics. This is the last song which would normally end my night of painting and drinking in my studio. Also this song has been covered alot, Johnny Cash is one artist! 
Favourite lyric; “What have I become? my sweetest friend”.



Home - With Teeth. (8)

This was played religiously every morning just before work in the winter months while working in a Data Entry Admin job role that I hated. I was far from home and was itching to move back to my home town as soon as possible. This track healed me every morning and helped me kept going.

My favourite lyric; “I used to know who I was until you came along”.



Mr. Self Destruct - The Downward Spiral. (7)

So much energy in this one, it's insane. It is is an incredible song putting you through a roller coaster of emotions mostly in an angry tone. Need to get pumped up for something physical or anything for that matter? Then put this beast on repeat. My favourite lyric; “I am the high you can't sustain”.



Into The Void - The Fragile (Right). (6)
 
Jesus. I have recently fallen in love with this song. Was tempted to have this as number 2 or 3. An insanely catchy song yet for some the repeating lyrics may annoy you. I still love it.

The lyrics "Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away"

sums up the meaning of the song nicely so I wont go into anything further here.My favourite lyric; Talking to myself all the way to the station
Pictures in my head of the final destination



The Big Come Down - The Fragile (Right). (5)

It's hard to pin point what makes this song so dam good. The arrangement of the sounds are just perfect and It contains elements of chaos throughout the whole song. Its also disjointed and contains an amazing solo. I don't know why but this song seems most fitting for when I am doing the dishes. I will save the hard scrubbing for the solo part (starts at 3min 6sec)

My favourite lyric; “Smash it apart just for the fuck of it”.



The Great Below - The Fragile (Left). (4)

For me this opens up a lot of areas in my soul, especially beautiful places where I have visited abroad and certain times that brought pain also. Reminds me of a desert and just reinforces the desire and the idea that I need to travel more in my life. There's so much beauty in this song. It's truly stunning and atmospheric towards many levels of love and pain that I have so far felt.

My favourite lyric; “I will take my place in the great below”.



Right Where It Belongs - With Teeth. (3)

This song really opens up many questions on possible philosophies surround the meaning of life. And purely for that reason I award this song for being in the final 3. Questions rise such as are we trapped inside a matrix type universe? Is everything just an illusion created by our minds. The lyrics create powerful metaphors that many can relate to in different ways. The laying of the sounds and the lyrics help echo some of the finest moments in my life, and reveal themselves again to me through mysteries and questions that long to be answered.

My favourite lyric; “You keep looking but you can't find the woods, while you're hiding in the trees”.



Head Down - The Slip. (2)

This very nearly made my number one. The composition of this song with its lush emotional tones really bring out the lyrics contained within this song. They also really hit home to how I had been feeling in recent years and parts of what I feel today. In short it reminds me that I have slowly become a different person, a person which I believed I would never turn into when looking back at my older self and my current thoughts towards people and general life. I didn't think I would put on a load of weight, I didn't think I would be unemployed for a long time, I didn't think I would become a father so soon (this is a major positive thing of course) I didn't think I would become what I had/have become. I am working on my life to make the greater good in everything, and this song helps me in my current process of pushing for future achievements I seek and to gain belief in myself again.

My favourite lyric; “This is not my face, and this is not my life, and there is not a single thing here I can recognize”.

Somewhat Damaged - The Fragile (Left). (1)

Somewhat Damaged was the opening track from my first experience of placing a NIN album into my Hi-Fi system. With having no distractions around me at all, and blasting it out as loud as my speakers could handle, the drums kicked in and It made my spine tingle all over. I knew instantly I was going to love the track. I am still blown away by how great this track is and after many years is still giving me pleasure. This is the ultimate song in showing how progression can be created and delivered. The raw anger spirals and develops as we reach the epic climax of the song. This is up there in my finest music listening experiences. It simply gives me chills. Have you been let down by someone? Have you admired someone so much but they had grown to damage you in some way? Then it's no wonder I am not alone in showing my admiration to this song. A NIN masterpiece in my opinion and is worthy of being crowned number one.

My favourite lyric; “Too fucked up to care anymore”

So all in all you may disagree NIN fans, that's great. Put the gun in my mouth. Yes I did not include the song 'Closer' which actually started my love for NIN, Closer didn't make it in my top ten but it very nearly made the cut. The reason mainly is because it got over played, big time over played. NIN freaks please attack me as much as you desire with comments, I'm all ears people and please do share your very own Top Ten NIN if you feel the need too like I did. Cheers big ears.




THIS BLOG claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and do not wish for it appear on this site, please E-mail with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed

Bluebell Woods - The Strangest Place I Have Ever Visited

I'm 15 years old and I enjoyed my bike rides over to my home towns nearest woods. My dad told me its called Bluebell Woods. Its a rather dull, dry but cloudy afternoon and myself, Adam and Ben cycle my usual route over to the woods cutting through the farmers field. We all take a break once we get to the top of the woods where a golf course starts to begin. I tell my mates about what our family (more so myself) have been seeing right where we were standing. Long story short I tell them I had seen at least 9 UFOs hanging around this area, Ben believes me as he had seen a UFO yet Adam is not so sure.

On our return and while we were cutting back through the field we stop and observed a large mud pit. Yet its a completely perfect circle and the earth is more of a yellow colour. It has a thick clay texture and my friend Ben decides to take a ride into the centre of the pit thinking its funny and it was. He struggles naturally as it acts like quicksand and his ankles sink deep towards the centre. He panics a little as he realises he needs our help to get out of this pit. We laugh a bit and manage to drag him out, yet he loses a trainer in the process. We all agreed that the atmosphere within the woods and that area of the field was very bizarre and felt really eerie but it would not compare to what we were about to experience. Upon our return from Bluebell Woods and what happened in my bedroom with two of my closet friends will forever be buried like a splinter in my mind.

Our bikes were caked in mud from our bike ride from the woods. We used my parents hose pipe line to remove the worst of the dirt. After a brief clean up I invited my friends Adam and David up to my bedroom to play on my Super Nintendo and chill out. While they made themselves comfortable playing away on my computer console, I decided to play some of my music. Queen were the first band I really loved thanks to my fathers constant playing of them in our weekend car outings with the family. A Kind of Magic was the only album he ever played. (Highlander film soundtrack)

My self recorded ‘Best of Queen’ cassette tape was playing out of my dad’s old boom box while I popped downstairs to grab us all a drink and some crisps. Minutes after my return with our drinks and sitting silently watching Mario jumping around on the TV screen, the music came to a sudden halt.

A distorted old male voice started to mumble and pitch his loud tones of speech into random words and sentences. We all sat still in awe of his voice and both Ben and Adam stop playing Mario as they turned and looked at me with an expression stating clearly to me “What the Hell is that?”
The atmosphere within the bedroom darkened, the air and atmosphere felt evil.

“Gooooaaaalllll Laaaaazzzzzioooooooo” the male voice says.

The words “Grapes” and “Frosties” are the only words we could understand. The voice felt alien and was clearly spoken in a clear deep voice as if trying to communicate with us.
I felt suddenly emotionally drained with the voice and the voice stopped. I walked over to the cassette player with a strong sense of fear taking over me. I pressed the Stop button down.

A nervous smile was blooming on my face. We were all confused big time.

‘OK. What did you record Glenn’ Ben said with a hint of laughter in his words.

I didn’t record this I said.

‘Rewind it and play it again then’ says Adam.

I pressed down the rewind button and we listened to the tape wheeling itself back in for a few seconds. I pressed the stop button and played the tape once again. We stand together a little more closer to the cassette player and listen.

NOTHING. The sound of a blank cassette tape is all that plays. The slight humming sound of the tape going round and round and continues until I stop the tape again. I quickly rewind the tape again and allow it to rewind even further this time. I press play and once again, nothing. Where’s all the Queen music I say. Ben and Adam say nothing. We are all confused.

I take the tape out and inspect it. I then place it back in only this time it’s playing the B side of the tape. To my horror the whole tape is blank. As if suddenly it’s been wiped clean somehow.

This is mental I say. I had both sides of this tape full of Queen songs!

The atmosphere seemed to take a turn for the worst. It was as if we all felt we needed to get out of the room quickly. As if another presence was around us. I felt scared and we all rushed out of my bedroom and quickly paced down my stairs with an emotional state of slight panic running through my veins.

As we all rushed into my kitchen where the exit of the house was at it’s nearest, the male voice of the spoken word ‘Frosties’ from the tape was playing through all our minds as we witnessed the scene in my parents kitchen. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

The empty remains of a ripped open cereal box of Frosties were scattered all over the kitchen worktops and the floor. As if it had exploded. We all stand there frozen at the sight for a few seconds then suddenly my mother comes in (scaring the life out of me) and sees the state of her kitchen. She screams “What’s all this bloody mess?”

We all sprinted out of the kitchen and jumped onto our bikes. We rode together for a while until we all came to a stand still near the woods again. We tried to explain what had just happened. We couldn’t.

So there you have it. You may think a lot of things. Things like: this guy is crazy. I'm not (I say this in the same tone as Heath Ledgers Joker) ha ha. Or 'I can not believe Freddie Mercury was back from the dead briefly'.

Or you may say that his mum played them big time and ripped up the Frosties box herself, highly doubtful. Or that the tape was on its way out and was damaged. Or, well you tell me. 

I will now add here to the overall story that this Bluebell Woods area where I use to live near too has had UFO history at least with my parents and a friend. Again I won't go into the long story here but simply when my parents were first dating they came across a typical UFO craft sitting in the same field right near the woods one evening. (It had multicoloured lights flying around the middle trim of the cylinder craft) My mum was on the back of my dads motorbike and they got within appox 50ft away from it. If it was not for my mum freaking out my dad would have approached it even more. During my years of 13 to 15 years old I witnessed a lot of strange crafts flying in, out, and sitting still above the woods. The most common craft I used to see was a diamond shaped craft. Like two pyramids strung together almost.

Also another friend of mine called Gavin used to live with his parents right near the field that leads up to the woods. He once told me not too long ago now (after I had explained my experiences within the area) that when he was approx 11 years old, his older sister had locked him out of his room. While he was banging on the door screaming to her to let him in, he felt something looking at him. He turned to witness three typical looking grey aliens standing together looking at him through the house window. He freaked out and went crying to his mum. I spoked to his mum not long after I was told of his alien experience and she recalled that night very clearly as she said she had never seen him so scared and upset before. This window was at the top of the stairs and there's no way someone could be standing at that window unless they had a large ladder.
Well thats the end of explaining some strange stories.

I still eat a bowl of Frosties sometimes by the way.

Bus Drivers.

AH BUS DRIVERS. 90% OF THEM ARE FINE, SOME ARE DELIGHTFUL, YET THERES ALWAYS ONE! ONE UTTER PRICK.

WAIT. PLEASE I shout, I had just managed to capture the bus drivers attention as it was about to head off. I jumped on and said thank you while feeling a little out of breath. The bus driver then for whatever reason just looked up at me and greeted me with a look of disgust, mutters some negative words under his foreign breath while shaking his head in frustration. At that moment deep down I wanted to punch him square in the nose and watch it explode with sprays of delightful shades of electric crimson red blood glistening from the winter sun. Or maybe think of the film Fight Club and the scene where Edward Norton (Myself) is sitting comfortably on top of the poor blonde man's chest with his arms pinned down (the bus driver) now gets his face pounded to shit left to right until nearly all of his teeth is removed and gags on his own blood. Haven't seen Fight Club? No. Shame, I reckon you are missing out. Oh and it stars Brad Pitt. Remember you are not a unique and beautiful snowflake and also self improvement is masturbation. Go fuck yourself.

Making less of a scene here though through scenes of violence, even a simple Go Fuck Yourself would have felt good. That is what I should have told the bus driver. Instead I just muttered my anger briefly, sat down slowly and shook my head feeling my blood slowly boil on a medium to high heat. If it was going to piss you off that much BUS DRIVER, why didn't you just fucking drive off and leave me there in the bitter cold, you fucking twat. What lovely thoughts I have. With my blood pressure having now returned to normal on my short journey I eventually leave the bus but not before I stop and turn to him and shake my head with a look of utter disgust first. This is my great comeback, my great reply, my great moment. I admit It felt rather disappointing when being compared to seeing my fist covered in blood. I must add that I have never been in a blood bath fight or even a decent fight to that matter, so maybe that's way it seems more appealing to have physical fights involved in my imagination.

My next meeting with the same bus driver weeks later presented me with another glorious opportunity to act on my first instincts. Picture this, I lay my money down and tell him my journey. A return ticket to Seaview Road please driver I say. He seems a lot happier today it seems.

As I approach Seaview Road I realise I had given the wrong destination. I had meant to say Seaview Avenue instead. An easy mistake. I decide to stay on the bus for another 400 metres. As I press the bell (holding my bag of spanners which I had borrowed from my dad and was in the process of returning) I walk over to the front of the bus only to have the bus drivers head poke out of his bay and look back at me with pure fury in eyes and shouts “you were meant to get off at Seaview Road”

I am about to explain....”this stop costs 40p more, you knew that” he shouts.

I'm sorry I meant to say Seaview Avenue, I will pay the difference I say.

“NO NO I DONT BELIEVE YOU. YOU LIE TO ME, WHY LIE” he screams

We have now reached the destination. I'm shocked by his claims and demand to know his name. He says nothing and shakes his head. I now start to lose my temper. WHATS YOUR FUCKING NAME? I am reporting you for his, I do not deserve to be treated like this. He then stares me in the eyes and says while the bus doors fly open. Do you want to get off the bus? He says.

I know instantly he thinks I will accept his idea that I should just get off at my bus stop. I decline.

I call him a TWAT and return to my seat with my spanners. I stay on the bus crossing through towns and after 30mins (most of that time was me imagining whacking him over the head with my biggest spanner and repeating the action till I taste blood) I reach the final stop in Brighton.

I wait for everyone on the bus to leave the bus until it was just myself and the bastard bus driver. I walk up to him and he begins to shout again. Before he could even finish his first sentence I abrupt in a huge burst of epic anguish NEVER CALL ME A LIER, NEVER. YOU FUCKING RETARDED LITTLE PIG FUCKER. I KNOW YOUR FACE NOW. AND I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL.

The bus driver seems quite shocked and taken back from my sudden force of mouth spitting foams of anger. I step off the bus and shout out FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING TWAT as I walk away and enjoy a spot of shopping.

After my return home I ring the bus company. I explain the events. I complain heavily. The bus driver gets a little warning from his manager and about a month later I am stood at my usual bus stop only to have the same bus driver smile at me while he drives past me with a half full bus. So far he has had the last laugh. We'll see!